Other than Christmas, I think Steve and I have spent every major occasion and holiday apart at one time or another due to his business travel. Yes, that includes birthdays. So as we roll around to the biggest chocolate-buying-please-be-mine day of the year, I offer my humble advice for surviving Valentine’s Day (or any other significant day) apart.
Realize It’s just a day
Your first task is to resist falling into the marketing trap that Valentine’s Day is a real thing in the first place. It’s not. It’s a device to sell chocolate, flowers, and set-menu restaurant meals under the guise of true love. I know, I’m a cynic.
In my marriage, true love is Steve wandering into my home office in the middle of the afternoon to give me a kiss. It’s him giving me a hug when I’m having a crappy day. it’s unloading the dishwasher even though he’s done it three days in a row and it should really be my turn (I hate that job).
When he’s on the road and I’m not with him, true love is sending me a text message saying that he’s thinking about me.
If you’re feeling really bummed about being apart, put things in perspective. Women have given birth when their significant others have not been able to be there. This is just Valentine’s Day people!
Block out the noise
If you start feeling sorry for yourself every time you see a Facebook post of someone’s “Best Valentine’s Day Ever!” give social media a rest for the day. I know that might seem extreme, but you’ll gain no sense of peace by wallowing in other people’s sappy V-Day updates.
Unlike a breakup when you may want to have a cathartic experience by listening to Bonnie Raitt’s “I can’t make you love me” on repeat, you want distraction on this occasion. You’re not grieving a loss, you getting over ONE special day you can’t be with your significant other.
Celebrate together apart
If celebrating Valentine’s Day (your birthday, your anniversary) on the actual date is a must for you, go on a virtual date with your guy or gal. You can do this via a Skype video call or even via text messaging and photos. I’ve heard of couples doing all kinds of creative things to share an experience virtually. I recall hearing an interview with a long-distance couple who would create scavenger hunts for each other to carry out in their respective locations, sending photos and videos to each other as they went along. This was their solution to dating while apart.
Have your own day
Who says you have to follow convention? You can celebrate an occasion any day you like. If Valentine’s Day is in March this year, how great is that? You can get away from all the commercialism and overpriced trappings and celebrate your own way.
Also, consider doing something special for yourself on Valentine’s Day as an act of self-love.
This past summer, I was travelling with Steve in Washington D.C. on my birthday, but he was working the whole day and into the evening. We ended up celebrating it once we were back home a week or so later. On the day, though, I took myself out to celebrate. I took a late afternoon boat ride to Alexandria, spent time at the Torpedo Factory Art Centre and then poked around the quaint shops along the main drag. Before heading on the boat ride back, I treated myself to a meal in a nice restaurant. Sure it would have been better to celebrate with Steve, but it was a pretty nice day and much better than sulking in a hotel room.
How about you, fellow tag-along travellers? How to you cope with being apart on special days? Is it a big deal and if so, what do you do to get through it?
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Sometimes we put too much pressure on holidays and special occasions – we want them to be perfect. But life isn’t perfect, right? You could be sick over Xmas. Winter snow storms may delay your vacation flights by a day (or two or more). And you might spend Valentine’s Day apart. That supposedly particular special day or week could end up being crappy. No matter. Celebrate some other time!
I completely agree. It’s about managing expectations and being flexible. I’ve certainly become better at going with the flow over the years. You’re also right about the risk of setting up “the perfect special day” and then being disappointed because of unforeseen events. Often, it’s the unplanned moments that end up being the perfect ones.
[…] Resist feeling sorry for yourself if you and your significant other will be spending Valentine's Day apart by following these tips. […]