I do it when I’m on tag-along trips with Steve all the time. Sometimes I like it and other times it still makes me feel uncomfortable. Solo restaurant dining is not for the self-conscious. Given that the number of North American adults living alone has tripled in the last century, you’d think we’d all be totally comfortable with our single selves dining out, but a quick Google search reveals a ton of articles and blog posts about how to deal with this condition of modern life.
Dining out alone = Loserville
When faced with the prospect of dining alone in a nice restaurant, many people find themselves listening to a little voice in their heads saying that everyone else in the room is thinking pitiful thoughts about them. They’re thinking you have no friends, you got stood up, or worst, your companion left you at the table in disgust.
Except that’s not really happening.
If I see a single person dining alone in a restaurant, I generally don’t give it a thought unless I’m reflecting on my own dining alone experience. Why would I think others are judging me? Frankly, I’m sure we’ve all frequently eaten at restaurants where there have been solo diners and not even noticed them. People are too self-absorbed or engaged with their dining partners to even notice you.
In an amusing BuzzFeed article, Laura Silver gives an account of a week-long challenge she gave to herself to dine out solo in posh London restaurants in order to overcome the taboo of dining alone. Overall her experiment seemed a success, but she does note that on a couple of occasions serving staff contributed to her self-consciousness by presuming she was waiting for “the rest of her party” even though she had made the reservation for one. I’ve never faced anything similar, but I’m sure that would up my anxiety level a bit.
There’s actually a name for it: Solomangarephobia
Solomangarephobia is the name given to the fear of eating alone. I’m not sure how legit the term is, but journalist Christopher Elliot cites it in an article dating back to 1998.
I would think the fear of dining alone would fall into phobia territory if you are truly paralyzed with anxiety about the prospect of dining solo rather than just feeling awkward about it. Do you “grin and bare it” while scarfing down your food in a restaurant to get out of there as quickly as possible? I would say that’s the low end. The high end would be going without a meal or eating sub-par food from a corner convenience store while walking back to your hotel room just to avoid having to eat alone.
The good news is that phobias are one of the most treatable mental health issues. Even if you’re not on the far end of the phobia spectrum, the same therapeutic principles could help you get over it. Positive self-talk, a progression of exposure to the anxiety-provoking situation (like Laura Silver did in the article cited above), and relaxation techniques.
Many solo diners use reading materials, a phone or tablet in lieu of engaging with a companion.
Solo Restaurant Dining Baby Steps
You could just throw caution to the wind and book a reservation for one at that Michelin rated restaurant you’ve heard about, but maybe lunch or breakfast in a café is a better start. As blogger Indiana Jo points out in her super list of 20 tips for eating out alone, something about breakfast and lunch is less intimidating than dinner as a solo diner. Perhaps it’s because we so strongly associate dinners out with celebration parties and romantic dates – things one doesn’t do solo.
I didn’t set out to get better at dining solo. It just happened out of necessity. I remember several years ago I found myself alone in Prague at the end of vacation because Steve left a day earlier than I did on business travel. At dinner time I walked around and around our rental apartment’s neighbourhood looking for a restaurant where I would feel comfortable dining alone. I couldn’t do it. I ended up getting mediocre take out food and ate it while sitting in an uncomfortable chair in our very tiny apartment. So sad …
On most tag-along trips I have taken, there have been times when Steve was tied up with business dinners and I was on my own. I challenged myself to get comfortable dining out alone at dinner. I started with casual dining restaurants and armed myself with magazines or in later years, my phone. I psyched myself up for solo dining by reminding myself that there is nothing wrong with it and no one is pitying me. It got easier. I still don’t always feel 100 percent confident dining solo, but I can say that I have genuinely enjoyed upscale dinners out alone on a number of occasions.
Tips for a positive dining alone experience
- If you’re new to it, take props such as your phone or tablet so that you have something to focus on and feel less conspicuous.
- Concentrate on your food. You have no distractions and you may be surprised at how enjoyable it is to really taste what you’re eating.
- Eat at the bar rather than the dining room. People sitting at the bar are more likely to be open to casual conversation. Window seats facing the street are also a good solo-dining feature of some restaurants and great for people watching.
- Eavesdropping and people watching is surprisingly easy as a solo diner. You’re somewhat inconspicuous so tune into the party at the table next to you. It can be quite entertaining.
- Take a food tour if you’re travelling and want to avoid eating alone. You’ll learn about the region’s cuisine and meet others.
- If you’re on business and apart from a loved one, set up a video chat on your phone and have a virtual dinner date.
Tell me about your dining alone experience? Any tips of your own to share?
If you enjoyed this post, why not subscribe to Tag Along Travel? Twice a month, you’ll receive an email with links to recent posts.
[…] Tagging along on business isn’t like taking a vacation, though, even if you’re not working remotely as I often do. Your spouse will be working. He or she will possibly have client meetings or dinners to attend. You will likely be on your own for a couple of days or more. To make tagging along worthwhile and enjoyable, you need to embrace it from the perspective of a solo traveller. That means getting comfortable seeing the sights and dining out alone. […]
Thx for the great article. Check out our website and never dine solo again
Thanks for dropping by Christina. Interesting match-up service you’ve created. Great idea for when you don’t want to dine alone. Cheers.
Mary Lalboi from Manipur runs the restaurant like a well oiled machine. She has a woman chef as well as a woman restaurant manager and makes a special effort to ensure women diners are comfortable, don’t feel awkward if dining alone and she often stops by for a chat with her single woman guests and other customers.
I think the restaurant industry is starting to recognize solo diners needs and making them feel more comfortable. Thanks for dropping by with your experience.
Great tips on dining solo. I haven’t dined solo in years, but there were times when I was travelling alone on business and dined out on my own. It felt uncomfortable at first, but your point about people not really noticing you is right. I took a book and read it at times during the meal. I don’t know if I would still need that prop now, although it might help me disguise the eavesdropping and people-watching I like to do.
I am a bit ashamed to admit it, but eavesdropping is always on the menu when I dine solo. 🙂
[…] Solo restaurant dining can be difficult, but there's a lot you can do to make it easier and even enjoyable. […]