What to do When your Spouse is Away on Business

It’s Sunday afternoon as I write this and Steve is packing his bag for a week in Boston. Last weekend, he was in Seattle, and in a couple of weeks he’ll be in Australia for several days. I’m not tagging along. When Steve first started travelling a lot for work, being separated frequently was a big adjustment. At first it was challenging, but now it’s just a part of life. If business travel is a new feature of your relationship, here are my suggestions for how to make the time apart easier.  

Get a personal hobby

The biggest challenge to being apart frequently is the simple act of passing time. If you’ve come to treat your spouse as your best friend (as most of us do these days) you may find that most of your leisure activities include each other. If business travel is going to be a regular part of life, you’ll need to develop a personal hobby or two that you can do independently from your spouse while he/she is away.

Getting excited about something new takes your focus away from striking days off on the calendar. Maybe there’s something you loved to do before your relationship that you’ve let slide over the years. Start playing the oboe again, learn to knit a sweater, read the books you’ve been meaning to get to or plant a garden.

Volunteer

With extra time on your hands think about what you could contribute to your community by volunteering some of it. A few years ago I became a mentor to a group of siblings who were newcommers to Canada from Nepal. They barely spoke a word of English and for about a year and a half I spent a few hours every couple of weeks introducing them to local culture and events. It was a tremendous experience and instead of thinking about how many days Steve and I would be apart, I started to focus on planning what to do with these three kids next.

Reframe Time Apart

Instead of focusing on not being together during business travel, think of it as an opportunity to indulge yourself.

When Steve’s away, I usually plan a “date” with myself. I do things that I like to do that Steve may not enjoy as much. I binge watch a “my pick” show on Netflix. I cook dinners that include things Steve would never eat, but that I love (Brussels sprouts are always on the list).

Start thinking of time apart as ME time.

Take a Lover

Ah, you’re still reading. Wonderful! I’m just kidding. This strategy rarely works out in the end.

If you see this as your solution, your relationship has bigger issues to contend with than business travel.

Get Social

As an introvert, this is something I admit I struggle with when I’m on my own. I can be quite content filling my time with solitary activities, but after several days, loneliness can set in. I’ve become better over time at connecting with friends and going to events as part of my solo activity mix when Steve and I are apart. Join a book club, take a continuing education class or join a recreational sports team.

Stay Connected

Making sure to talk every day with your business-travelling spouse can shrink the distance a good deal. It’s easier than ever with the technology at our disposal. Most of the time, Steve and I exchange text messages and have a video call every day. Sometimes, depending on the time difference, we’ll video chat while we’re both eating dinner. It’s like a virtual date.

Plan Your Next Tag-Along Trip

For most spouses, it’s not possible to tag along on every business trip. If you’ve got young kids at home it might be virtually impossible to travel with your spouse. However, most of the time, it’s doable at least once or twice a year. Don’t wait for the perfect time or location. Some of my best tag-along trips have been to under-the-radar cities. And even if your spouse is not going to have a lot of time to spend with you on that trip, you are still going to be together some of the time and you can have a great semi-solo experience.

Anticipating your tag-along trip, researching things to do, and planning an itinerary can make time apart more bearable and keeps business travel in perspective. Flying on travel points, staying in a nice hotel, and having access to airport lounges and the occasional upgrade reminds me of the perks of being married to a frequent business traveller.

Are you ever separated from your loved one by business travel? What’s your strategy for making it work?

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