I ditched dying my grey hair six months ago. Big deal, right? If that was your first thought, you’re probably a guy. It was a surprisingly stupid big deal! It took me a year to resolve to do it, and over the past six months, I’ve had many doubts. Given that women are dying their hair every shade of the rainbow these days, why is there still societal pressure on us to stave off natural grey?

Coming Out Grey – Why I Stopped Dying My Hair

Keeping greys covered and frequent travel do not mix

When I was dying my hair, the weeks before every trip had me doing the same mental calculations. When was the last time I coloured my hair? Strategically, how close to my departure will I need to have it dyed to ward off the dreaded grey roots popping through while I’m away?

If I’d be travelling for a month or more, that would be an even bigger challenge. Once in a beautiful and pristinely white Airbnb in Berlin, I resorted to sourcing some root touch-up at the local drugstore to carry me through. I was extremely careful not to get near any of the white towels or bathroom rugs while I carried out the task. Unfortunately, when I woke the next day, I realized with horror that some of the dye had come off on the pillow I was sleeping on (white, naturally).

Then there is the issue of chlorine. I love to swim. I mean, I’ll really love to swim. I’ll spend a half hour or more in a hotel pool doing laps. But, I always resisted submerging my head as long as possible because I was worried about the chlorine affecting my colour. Ridiculous!

After 25 years of hair dye, I’m sick of it

My hair started greying in my mid-twenties. Back then, I was into experimenting with colour and highlights. The little patch of grey that emerged from time-to-time didn’t bother me. Hair colour was fun. But, over the years, that patch expanded, and before I knew it, I had to keep up with colouring every five weeks. Seriously—I’ve been putting dye on my head every five weeks for about twenty years!

A selfie taken just after the last time I dyed my hair.

I used to have my hairstylist do it, which was a pain. I’m not one of those people who finds going to the salon relaxing. I can handle the time it takes to get a haircut, but the two-hour appointments for a colour drove me nuts, not to mention the expense. I started colouring at home a few years ago, which was messy and still a time suck. It just seemed crazy to keep it up.

Grey hair is a feminist issue

I have no problem with women choosing to colour their hair whether motivated by creative expression or to cover grey. What I do have a problem with is that I don’t think it’s a real choice for a lot of women. If it is a free choice, why did I agonize for a year about whether or not to stop colouring? When I asked other women if I should ditch the dye, other than those who had already embraced their silver tresses, few responded with resounding support.

“I don’t know, what does Steve think of the idea. Would he like it?”

“Whatever you do, don’t let it grow long – grey long hair looks witchy.”

“Well, if you decide to be grey just know you’ll be adding a decade to how old you look.”

These are just a few of the cautionary comments I got. When I asked other women why they wouldn’t consider letting their hair grey,  I heard concerns about remaining competitive in the workplace, not liking how it looked,  and just not being confident enough to do it.

What?

Can you imagine these comments among men? Of course not. Men wouldn’t have this conversation. THEY JUST GO GREY!  Steve’s silver highlights began appearing about a decade ago. I never once thought of suggesting he cover them. I thought his salt-and-pepper hair looked great. Why wasn’t I sure if I liked it on women?

When I began to think about letting my hair take its natural course, I started noticing my silver sisters when out and about. Sometimes I thought they looked old or unattractive. Others, such as one of my mothers-in-law (I have five, but that’s a story for another post) are stunning with their silver locks. I kept asking myself, why do we think grey hair doesn’t look good on most women? I concluded that it isn’t the hair.  We find some women more attractive than others. We all have preferences whether a person has grey hair or not. The fact is, we don’t see the full variety of women with grey hair because more than 70% of us use hair colour.  Grey hair bias is real. We have been brainwashed for decades to think grey hair on women is not attractive and makes us look old and unattractive.

This is not true for men. No one encourages men to dye their grey. In fact, it’s the opposite. Case in point: this article in Executive Style Magazine. If, as a man, you go down the road of covering your grey with dye, the author contends, it screams that you’re old. The message is that you’re not fooling anyone, and it just looks weird.

Men with grey hair look distinguished or handsomely devilish (the silver fox phenomenon). We are conditioned to this bias. Grey-haired men are sexy evidenced by celebrities George Clooney, Anderson Cooper, John Slattery, Alec Baldwin, Ryan Reynolds—the list goes on and on. Other than a couple outlier female celebs (Jamie Lee Curtis, Helen Mirin) you will never see natural grey on red carpet beauties.

Changing that biased lens

When I was contemplating embracing my natural hair colour, I came across a photo of an attractive grey-haired woman on Instagram with the hashtag #greyhairdontcare. I began following it and became exposed to hundreds of women of varying ages who had ditched colour and looked fantastic. Immersing myself in these images helped change my perspective (in a good way for once, social media). We see way more vital, attractive men with grey hair in real life. I needed to balance my exposure.

I now notice how many heterosexual couples I see where the man has grey hair, and his significant other has coloured hair despite being of similar age (like the photo of me with Steve above). It’s starting to look odd to me whereas it didn’t before. Men are allowed to show a bit of age and still look attractive. Women are expected to look eternally youthful or are discarded as old and grey. Again, there is nothing wrong with colouring your grey. But there is something wrong with being fed up with it and feeling like you can’t give it up. I don’t think I’m alone having those feelings.

Even with a pixy cut those brown tips are hanging in there six months after my last colour.

I’ve had many unsure moments about my grey transition over the last six months, but I think I’ve turned a corner. Will I ever colour my hair again? I don’t think so, but you never know – platinum highlights might be interesting. Right now, I love seeing the silver finally take over the stubborn dark brown dye left on my head (I’ll give you one thing, L’Oreal – that sh*t really is permanent).

As I write this, I’m about to leave on a tag-along trip to Fort Lauderdale with Steve. The hotel we’re staying in has a pool. I can’t wait to jump in head first.

UPDATE – March 2020

I have no regrets about going grey almost 18 months ago. There is no way I’d go back to colouring my hair. I had professional headshots taken a few months ago, and love how they look!

If you enjoyed this post, why not subscribe to Tag Along Travel? Twice a month, you’ll receive an email with links to recent posts.

PIN IT

Follow my blog with Bloglovin